Confessions a 20th century ne'er do well: Drinking, fighting, stealing and other things one generally ought not do

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Facts about Bananaman

1. The reason he’s lived for over 1000 years is that he only eats bananas.
2. He once went to Africa and lived in the jungle among bananas, and became their high priest. Before bananaman, no bananas ever buried their dead, and when he left, nobody carried on that practice.
3. He once interrupted a bank robbery where the robber was outside screaming “Attica! Attica!” at the cops by standing next to him and screaming, “Bananaca! Bananaca!”
4. His weakness is that he’s afraid of gorillas and monkeys.
5. He was very upset and scared for life when his father told him that his mother was not a banana, but was actually a whore (she gave him up for adoption and went into crack rehab).
6. He is ambivalent about the invasion of Iraq, but was vehemently opposed to the invasion of Bananastan.
7. In one scene, his wife becomes upset at his banana obsession. She screams at him, “Would you stop with the whole Bananaman thing already!” He answered pleadingly, “But people find that appealing!” which made her more upset and start hitting him, “Would you STOP IT!!!!!”
8. Some Mexican guy once leapt out of his bodega and pointed in the air, exclaiming “Mira! Es Senor El Hombre de Los Platanos!”
9. A little girl once hugged him and said, “Bananaman, I love you.”
10. Master Shake once told Meatwad, "If you're gonna cheat, you might as well paint yourself yellow, run around like a maniac, and call yourself Bananaman..... cause that's what you're doin'!"

5 Comments:

Blogger T.A.B. said...

You forgot about the time he got locked in the freezer and became Frozen Bananaman.

He was also offered membership in the Banana Splits.

5:10 AM, June 29, 2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I see it is official; We now live in a Banana Republic. Dave that was very noble of you to let Bob ride on your coat tails, I would love to see him listed as top banana in some position on your staff, maybe executive consultant to the consultants. You could hire Bob on commission, a penny for his thoughts. Now getting back to Bananaman: Would his wife happen to be Bananaca Jagger? I thought about coming up with a Bananagirl, but it would never work. I keep getting visions of a husky girl with a strap on banana. Still we need some kind of woman hero, for us to be politically correct, and keep the women off our backs. How about Soupkitchen Valkyrie. Defender of the down trodden?

8:38 AM, June 29, 2005

 
Blogger AddledWriter said...

Jumped the shark and plummeted to the bottom of the ocean.

5:04 PM, June 29, 2005

 
Blogger NJWT said...

Heg, I need you to stop profaning the name of Bananaman by making phalic references. There is a reason that his mother is rumored to be a banana instead of his father - to keep those comments to a minimum.
Bananaman isn't lowbrow humor!

5:51 AM, June 30, 2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand good master: I will be on my best behavior while in Banana Land. Sorry I put too much salt in the Banana Pudding. As it is said," too many cooks spoil the pot".

6:49 AM, June 30, 2005

 

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