Confessions a 20th century ne'er do well: Drinking, fighting, stealing and other things one generally ought not do

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I sometimes use evil skills to perform acts of goodness

I know many of you are shocked and appaled at the turn this blog has taken. Before I started to reveal my sordid past, I could tell by the nature of many of the comments I received that my readers had an attitude of: "This person seems helpless, clumsy and in no way in control of his life.... therefore I can like him, and will support his ham-handed attempts at social normalcy"

Now, it seems that my past includes behavior that goes beyond harmless misfit. I have willfully hurt others, and all in the name of a laugh! I'm not a harmless person at all! It seems I have no need for your pity! To hell with me and my mischevious behavior, I say!

But my evil behavior has at times been used for good.

In 1995, The sunday manager at the 7/11 near my home in Milford CT was locked out of her office. She was fretting at the cash register.

"Want me to try to open it with a credit card?" I asked?
"OK, give it a try," she said in desperation.

I might add that I hadn't actually carded into a locked room on my own before this, but I had seen associates make it work a handful of times. That story is for another day.

My first attempt was successful. Thus, I began my slow turn from a life of amusing myself with petty crime to a life where I used my larceny skills to perform acts of heroism.

In fact, she gave me a handfull of dollars from the register, and a free slurpie (which I kept till last week, when I threw it at Wes)

Today, I went to move a piece of furniture to the house my inlaws are renting when they move up to help us with the baby (due in oct. boy). The keys had slipped out of my pockets and were lying in the parking lot of my apartment.

So, using past skills, I managed to open a window and break into the house and deliver the furniture.